Upcoming Headline: "Arkansas to Allow Idiots to Vote"

As a small town practitioner of the forensic arts, I am rarely taken aback by the machinations of the political system, but I must admit that this year's election has one issue on the ballot that has me shaking my head. We get several of the California channels on the satellite, so I am used to seeing ads for or against this proposition or that initiated act on some of the most outrageous matters, but I normally just pass that off as being something that the folks out in California do and that is just their way. I think we have not only a contender but a winner with this year's proposed constitutional amendment No. 1 here in the great State of Arkansas.

While the proposed amendment has some other purposes--don't they all--the one that caught my attention was it's proposal to do away with the ban on idiots voting here in the Natural State. Yep, you read that right, we are voting on whether or not idiots should be allowed to vote. Now before you go getting all high and mighty on me, I know full well the historical and medical connotations of the word and that its use in the Arkansas constitution is outmoded and more than disrespectful as applied to certain persons. What piqued my interest, however, is the modern use of the word and its application to the voting process.

In that vein, I personally know of certain local citizens that have been described if not defined by the word and none of them have been disenfranchised to this point, so the prohibition is rarely, if ever, enforced. Certainly if it was there are several of my acquaintances who would insist that I not be allowed to vote. In fact, one of my favorite golfers used the word to describe himself after the final round of a major tournament in which his decision making processes were less than wise. And, a once popular prime time sitcom, which now plays nearly around the clock in what I call reruns and others call syndication, has a character that describes himself as "Lord of the Idiots". The use of the word has certainly morphed into a less medical/less technical adjective than its original use, but I am not sure that transition will be appreciated by all.

Nonetheless, I am intent on voting for the amendment just in case they decide to enforce it and someone with a different persuasion than mine tries to keep me from voting. . .now if we can just get a constitutional amendment to keep idiots-- as the word is presently used--from running for office.

Investment Tip--Chinchillas

In these uncertain economic times, I have a word of advice for all of you who are wondering what to do with your savings--Chinchillas.

When I was a kid, one of my friend's dad was apparently looking for a way to supplement their family budget and undertook the ambitious project of raising chinchillas. They added a room onto their house and quickly constructed the necessary habitats while eagerly awaiting the arrival of their stock. Visions of new cars, fine vacations and fur coats danced excitedly through theirs heads. My friend was quick to point out that once the operation got up and running that he would probably have to move since they would have a big, fine house and, of course, the chinchilla operation would have to be expanded. The first and second lots arrived, were raised and shipped off without problem and the financial rewards began to roll in. The profits were great enough that my friend was able to persuade his father to spring for a basketball goal which was quite the luxury in the day. Flush with cash and our carpentry skills, we purchased the necessary hoops equipment and set out to build our answer to Madison Square Gardens while his dad was out of town--at a chinchilla convention I suppose. Boy, would he be surprised.

As we surveyed their house, there was only one place that had the requisite roof line and concrete flooring for a court worthy of our abilities and that was the side of the chinchilla addition. With hammers in hand, we sawed the two by fours into perfect sections and nailed them together making a backboard smoother than that new see through stuff they called fiberglass. After attaching the goal itself--complete with a metal net that was guaranteed to last longer--we mounted the monstrosity to the top of the addition, oblivious to all of the chirping and squawking going on inside. And, as they say in the Olympics, we let the games begin. With the porch light on we could not only play all day, but well into the night and play we did. Funny thing though, after a while, the chinchillas got used to all the noise and didn't squeak and squawk so much.

When my friend's dad arrived home from the convention, we could tell he was excited about our little project because he began screaming my friend's name at the top of his lungs as soon as he went to the chinchilla addition. We all sprinted back to our Taj Mahal of Basketball, but slowed our pace upon seeing his dad's face. Apparently our non-stop bouncing, dribbling, shooting, and shouting had turned the little chinchillas into some sort of nerve cases and they began molting, their fur falling out faster than my dad's had. (I don't know if it was some kind of curse but I was to later suffer the same fate myself) With the loss of a whole herd--or whatever it is you call a bunch of the little creatures--my friend's dad had to shut down the operation and turned the space into a nice wood-working shop. He would often come outside and watch us play after that and commented that at least "the boys got a nice place to play."

So, even if things aren't going as you had planned with your investments, try and remember the things that are really important and it won't be so bad--after all, you can always enjoy the simple pleasure of children at play.

P.S. I neither endorse nor discourage investment in the Chinchilla business. They are fine little critters that don't like too much noise.